Sheila, exactly how sick on vacation were you?

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So dreadfully sick it would have been a blessing if a car ran back and forth over me to make sure I was dead. A mercy killing to be dropped down a well, clunked on the head, thrown off a cliff or Dr. Kevorkian showed up with his little euthanasia kit – anything to end the misery. Every traveler worth his/her salt remembers exactly when and where death was preferable to drawing one more breath.

During travels, I drink bottled water when tap water is considered unsafe or purify with iodine tablets. Don’t eat off food stands in primitive, unclean circumstances. Wash the fruit (no longer peel…I know…that’s still a no-no). Cooked vegetables only. And for what…may I ask? To get food poisoning in “so-called” good and safe places?

The first never-to-be forgotten incident took place in Ankara, Turkey with an American tour group in a high-class restaurant. One other man and I ordered a stuffed green pepper for the starter/appetizer. And what was the cold (or semi-cold) pepper filled with? A delicious ground meat concoction. Very big mistake, realized about four hours later. The remainder of the night was painful to describe (don’t need much imagination). Prone in bed or on the bathroom floor in the unairconditioned, stifling hot room. (At least, we did have a bathroom otherwise I probably would have had to spread out in the hall.) A little mini-bar with coke was my savior as both ends ran freely. Next morning, discovered food poisoning misery had struck the other pepper eater with both of us in the same pitiful condition. Cokes for breakfast and the group paid a visit to the Ankara museum with a plane ride scheduled to Trabzon later that day. The group visited. Man and myself lay outside on the steps of the museum looking like two derelicts, coke bottles clutched in sweaty, weak hands still hoping for a quick, painless death. Flew to Trabzon, threw myself on the bed and didn’t move again until the next morning, staring at huge, empty Stork’s nests in a tree outside the window. FYI: This is part of the storks’ migratory pattern across Europe and least took my mind off the entire intestinal tract.

Number Two, ah yes, I remember it well. A one-week Greek cruise. Now what kind of idiot eats Moussaka, made with cream sauce and GROUND BEEF (or ground lamb, the traditional way), that has been sitting on the lunch buffet under a blazing sun? ME! Well what did I expect… four hours later…again it was on and off the white throne to expel contents from both ends and missing the farewell dinner. What a way to “end” (ha-ha) a cruise.

Both Moussaka and Stuffed Peppers haven’t crossed these lips since and both examples of food poisoning took place under so-called “safe” conditions. An expensive restaurant and cruise ship. Moral…. don’t follow my idiotic example. Both food poisonings were caused by ground beef/ground “something” that wasn’t handled or refrigerated properly. Out of all food choices, ground beef/lamb/chicken/turkey has the greatest potential to play havoc with your health (if not kill you) anywhere, let alone in hot climates. Oh yes…there was that time with fish… Safe eating…