Our first item of business is picking a name for web page browsers. You see, web browsing is a relatively new sport. Oftentimes, sports go through a few name changes until they are finally identified by one particular epithet. Take basketball, for instance. Originally, boxes were specified to be used as goals. Boxes, however, were not readily available. Peach baskets were substituted, and the rest, as they say, was history. Of course, even if the sport had been named boxball, I guess we'd still call it roundball, wouldn't we?
Baseball is another sport that had various monikers in its formative years. It was originally known as rounders, a term that was found to be offensive to the overweight. Later, it came to be known as townball. This term, too, proved offensive to a certain group of individuals, namely those who lived in the rural areas. Eventually, the name baseball was chosen, seeing how nobody seemed to be persecuted by its innocent reference to the safe areas of the playing field. A grievance that was later filed by a group of sopranos was disregarded.
Bungee jumping almost had another appellation. You see, when it was first performed by a bridge painter named Irving Weems, who always wore an elastic safety belt, there were some eyewitnesses who wanted to name it in honor of him. Specifically, they wanted to call it "AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!! in honor of his exclamation upon making the first leap. Weems was observed wandering from town to town for some years afterward, mumbling something about "finding that @$%^&!!! who pushed me off of that bridge."
So you see our mission. We need to come up with a catchy name for a person who browses web pages. Here are a few possibilities:
Webhead-This is pretty much to the point. It's missing something, though. It sounds like what Spiderman's buddies would call him after a few beers.
Cyberspace Astronaut-Hey! That really stinks, doesn't it?
Cyberspace Cowboy-That's a little better. After all, I am a Steve Miller fan from way back. It's too long, though. In the computer world, we need AN's (abbreviated names).
Pagemaster-My kids liked this one. Actually, they liked the movie. I don't know. It sounds a little pretentious to me.
Computer Addict-Just kidding. That's what my wife calls me.
C-cruiser-That's kind of cute, isn't it?
Pager-This might have some possibilities. The only problem is, you might be identified with a device that is always making rude, loud, embarrassing noises in public. Hey! Why do I suddenly feel self conscious?
Webster-Now, I like that one. I think that it has a sophisticated feel to it.
Net Surfer-This one has been around for a while. Remember the nun in the OS2 Warp commercial? Still, it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Net Nut-Nope.
Well, what do you think? Shoot me some Email at baldguy@ipa.net and let's settle this issue. If you like one of my choices, let me know. If you've got one that's better, tell me what it is.
What's in it for you? Well, later on, I'll print the really killer suggestions, along with the names of those who came up with them (If they want, that is.). Then, we'll have a full-fledged election, and we'll decide what to call those riders of the web pages.
This could be your stab at immortality. You could be as famous as the guy who first coined the term "computer." Uhh...what was his name again?
Copyright © 1995 Ron Enderland for InfoMedia. All rights reserved.
