by Ron Enderland

There’s no doubt about it, the world of computing is a complicated one. As if it wasn’t enough work just keeping up with the rapidly advancing technological aspect of it, we must also make daily decisions as to what factions of the industry that we will support.

As my regular readers know, I’m here to attempt to make sense of this computing thing. Therefore, I will now attempt to simplify your lives by resolving several of these silly issues.

Commodore 64 vs. VIC-20 I’m really surprised that this rivalry is still around. I mean, get a life, folks! The 64 wins because it doesn’t have a hyphen in its name. I find hyphens a bit precocious, as in "Leigh Taylor-Young." Can’t you go with either Taylor or Young? Or how about just Taylor Young? Winner: 64

Java vs. ActiveX This is a no-brainer (oops, sorry about the hyphen). When you think of Java, one or two things come to mind. Either a lush tropical paradise on a South Pacific island, or that delightful cup of coffee early in the morning. ActiveX, however, has a distinctively unappealing connotation. First off, the capital "X" at the end of the word is, shall we say, grammatically incorrect? Second, the "active" aspect puts me in mind of toddlers running through the house and breaking glass objects. Winner: Java

K56 vs. x2 This is a hot issue right now. ISP’s, businesses, and individual computer owners are all clamoring for an answer to this rivalry. The fact is, I can’t call this one. K56 is very awkward to say. It doesn’t roll off the tongue like, say, "B-52." Hey, that’s a hyphen that belongs! "x2," on the other hand, consists of a lower case letter heading a proper name. Shades of e. e. cummings! Quite frankly, I don’t look for either technology to dominate. Instead, keep your ears open for a more pleasingly titled standard. Tie

Cyrix/AMD vs. Intel This could have been decided early. An inappropriate hyphen might have blown the latecomers out of the water completely. However, the brilliant use of the always befitting slash shows that these guys mean business. Intel is putting up a good fight, though, with their symmetrical name. High on both ends, slightly peaked in the middle, it’s natural charm reminds you of the near-palindromic (and quite successful) Kodak. It’s a squeaker, but: Winner: Intel

Netscape vs. Microsoft Yes, a lot of people have already given the nod of eventual victory to The Giant. I say "Not so fast!" Netscape’s pleasing appellation gives one a hint of escaping, always a pleasant notion, whether getting away for a weekend, or slipping under a well-guarded perimeter fence (that blasted hyphen again). "Microsoft," while spawning a few pleasant mental imageries in its own right, just comes up a little short. "Soft" makes one think of a fine silk pillowcase, but the "Micro" aspect is just a bit disturbing. It implies "small," which, while appealing under certain adjectival usage (town, for instance), is more often a negative concept (minds, change, paycheck). I’m bucking the odds, but the little (not small) guy gets the decision. Winner: Netscape

Mac vs. IBM Compatible I know that many consider this an already decided issue, but I say (again) "Not so fast!" The problem with Apple’s flagship of the fleet is in its title. Wosniak et al selected "Macintosh," quickly shortened to its more familiar form. You see, Baby Boomers (for whom the product is ultimately targeted) are profoundly affected by the lyrics of 60’s standards. The song "Penny Lane" (circa 1967) stated "And the banker never wears a Mac, in the pouring rain, very strange . . ." Obviously, a product that a keen financial mind chooses to avoid under unpleasant circumstances is simply not going to be a big seller. "IBM Compatible," with all its etymological confusion and difficulty in pronunciation, still carries a pleasant implication: that of getting along with others.

It’s not too late for Apple. Here’s my suggestion: Change the beleaguered model’s name to "Love." In the same pivotal year mentioned earlier, the Fab Four made this statement: "All you need is love . . ." The suggestion that a product is all that you’ll ever require (possibly even making upgrades unnecessary?), would cause sales to skyrocket. Of course, Boomers are a savvy lot, tolerating no spelling mistakes. This explains why the compact truck called the "Luv" had such a short sales life. Winner: The race ain’t over yet

I hope that I have succeeded in simplifying the world of computing for you. If there are any other unresolved rivalries that trouble you, please don’t hesitate to let me know. Excuse me now, I need to go send some critical email to Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Olivia Newton-John, and Rin-Tin-Tin.

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