You don't like being called Webbers, huh? Well, send me your suggestions at Baldguy@ipa.net. Let's come up with a title for home page browsers! I'm getting good response, but let's hear from the rest of you!
Most of us have lives outside of browsing the Net. I'm here to remind you of what is going on out there, and to remind you of why you escape here.
Take mowing lawns, for instance. Those of us who live outside of apartment complexes must periodically engage in this bit of urban drudgery.
Man has always had to mow his grass. What was the occupation of Adam and Eve? Why, gardeners, of course.
The earliest successful cultures were those that didn't have to devote much of their time to keeping their lawns trimmed.
Ancient Egypt was an unequaled world power in its time. Why? Well, it didn't take long to pull up the occasional weed that might pop up through the Sahara. Then, the rest of the day could be devoted by a Pharaoh to planning world conquest.
Babylonia was likewise an all-powerful nation. The Babylonians, you'll recall, had approximately the same growing conditions as Egypt. Nothing would grow in the sand. Their gardens, in fact, were hanging ones. Now, how long does it take to water a geranium? The result was that Nebuchadnezzer ruled his world.
Rome was one of the greatest of all nations in history. The Romans produced a system of roads that was unrivalled in its time. The Roman armies were feared throughout all of Europe, Asia Minor, and North Africa. Caesar was supreme in his power.
Then, Rome collapsed. Why? The aqueducts, of course. When a system was built to deliver water anywhere in the empire, suddenly emperors, senators, and generals had to stay home and take care of their newly irrigated lawns. The Gauls ran rampant while Cestius Gallus struggled to get his Wheel Horse started.
Obviously, we would all be better off if we had no lawns to take care of.
When I was in Phoenix a few years back, I was impressed with the painted green concrete lawns that many homeowners utilized. Clearly, this is a lower maintenance lawn than, say, zoysia. Of course, this doesn't help Phoenix's biggest problem, the Cardinals. (Note: The greatest writers can make smooth shifts from subjects like lawns to subjects like football with very little queasiness on the part of their readers.)
The Cardinals used to be a local team to me, St. Louis being about six hours away. Then, they moved. This was greeted with a sigh of relief by most football fans in the area, as this would allow a real team to locate here some day.
You see, we had frustratedly watched the Cardinals stumble through one mediocre season after another. Occasionally, they would break the monotony by giving us a REALLY BAD year. We had to look back to the seventies to find their last playoff appearance. Total Super Bowl appearances: none. Now, they belong to Phoenix. We, in St. Louis, proudly have THE RAMS!
Yeah, I know, The Rams have stunk recently. And yes, I know, the LA fans seemed happy to be rid of the Rams owner. And right, they have never won a Super Bowl. BUT THEY MADE IT TO ONE. Hey, anything has to be an improvement. So, is it clear what you are escaping? Running a loud, smelly, potentially dangerous machine, or enduring football speculation from frustrated fans.
Keep browsing, and keep stopping by. And if you find yourself in Phoenix, Be careful how you converse with the locals. Let THEM bring up the Cardinals.
Copyright © 1995 Ron Enderland for infoMedia. All rights reserved worldwide.
