by Ron Enderland

Hello, Cyber-Junkies. That's the official title for you browsers, you know. Well, on to this month's business.

We're getting just a little carried away with this acronym thing, don't you think?

One of the latest is OOBE. OOBE, in case you aren't yet in the know, is Out Of Box Experience. You have a good OOBE if your computer, printer, mouse, mouse pad, pencil cup, etc. work THE FIRST TIME you plug them in and try them.

Now, first of all, that just doesn't happen. I had a serious pencil cup jam the first time I plugged my system in. I was on the phone to technical support for hours.

Secondly, this is not such a new term. It's just a new definition.

You see, I remember clearly my first OOBE. It was one of the things a young man must go through as he grows up. It involved a Mattel Fright Factory.

The Fright Factory, in case you didn't grow up in the 60's, was a toy that consisted of a small oven, various molds, and sundry bottles of a substance known as "plastigoop." The molds were in the shapes of bugs, scars, bloody lacerations, third eyes, spiders, and the BIG one, the shrunken head. You poured the plastigoop in the molds and baked it until it hardened. Yes, far too dangerous for our lawyer-based society of today.

It's obvious why this toy was such a hit. When you're seven, the ultimate in chic was to show up in class with a third eye on your forehead. If you had a bloody laceration on your arm at the same time, you were guaranteed a ticket into the "Who's Cool" club at school.

Sad to say, my OOBE was not a pleasant one. You see, the shrunken head was produced in a two piece mold. I only had one piece. I had to wait an interminably long time for Mattel to send me the other piece. Of course, the six days it took doesn't seem so long now, but to a kid, that's approximately two lifetimes.

I had promised shrunken heads for the kids in my class. I very nearly lost my listing in "Who's Cool." It was the incident I improvised with the bloody worm and the teacher's purse that saved me. But, that's another story.

That brings me to the climax of this month's column.

Let's start coining new acronyms! Let's produce a brand new one each month. It will appear for the first time here, then let's all read PC Magazine and look for John Dvorak to use it in one of his columns!

I'll supply this first one. Are you ready? Here it is:

WIHABS. Pronounced "weehabs." I'm having the WIHABS today. As a matter of fact, I started having the WIHABS just a couple of months after I got my system. I was over at some friends' house last night, and saw their 21 inch monitor. Wow, did THAT give me the WIHABS!

Do you give up? Wish I Had A Bigger Screen. I bought a 14 inch monitor, and it's TOO STINKING SMALL!

Hey, come on! It's no worse than WYSIWYG. Or ASCII. Or OOBE, for heaven's sake.

Send your acronym suggestions to my mail link. Now, remember, it has to be brand new! Think it up yourself, and check to see if it already exists. You know, see if Dvorak uses it.

Let me know how much credit you want. In other words, do you want your name on the same page as mine? I'll understand if you don't. After all, I did make the kids in class wait SIX DAYS for shrunken heads!