by Ron Enderland

Writing a computer humor column has been a vast learning experience for me. This was actually my first column job, one which I landed back in the summer of 95. That's about three millennia ago, in Internet Years.

Anyhow, the point that I'm trying to make here is that timing is everything. This is just as true in the writing field as it is in shooting between propeller blades.

When I wrote my first Reality Bytes (Tongue in Cheek), I decided to start off with a bang and hold a "Name the Internet Surfer Contest." It was an admirable idea, to try to get the audience involved with a medium that was clearly meant for audience involvement. What was wrong with it was the timing.

You see, WorldVillage was in its infancy. I was getting maybe twenty to thirty hits per day. That was simply not enough of an audience to hold this sort of contest. Now, however, my audience has swelled to around forty hits per day!!!!!! Obviously, the time is right...

As a matter of fact, I have been receiving more or less regular submissions for Net Surfer Names as requested in my first column. So, it's time to beat the bushes once again.

Are you listening? Let's come up with an official name for browsers of the WWW!

Here are some suggestions that I've already received, just to get your creative juices flowing:

Cyber-Junkies (my personal favorite)

Vacuumheads (possibly suggested by a frustrated romantic interest who's sick of seeing their Hon spending time on the net?)

Spiders (Get it? Spiders browsing the web?)

TechnoSpiders (Perhaps clarifying the term a bit)

Cybernaut (Kinda cool...)

Wirehead (pretty self-explanatory, but used more to refer to hackers and programmers and other Net addicts whose first question on being offered a free Caribbean cruise is "But will there be data ports on board?")

Travelers (A little on the tame side, IMHO)

CyberPunks, or CyPees (Hmm.....does it sound like a wide open invitation for body function humor to you?)

Well, are you inspired? I'm going to seek submissions for names for a very limited time. There just ain't no need to drag this out any longer. Deadlines for submissions is June 16. Look for a listing of submitted names in the next column. Then, vote on your favorite.

What's in it for you? Well, you'll have the pleasure of seeing your name in hypertext (in case you haven't already), and you'll have personal satisfaction in knowing that you have helped add a term to internet lingo. Why? Because I will USE IT TO DEATH! Soon, the new term for internet browsing individuals will be as familiar as the names for Coke, McDonald's, and Preparation H!

You know, fame is easy to reach in a brand new medium. Had Bill Gates come along ten years later, Windows for Dummies would have never been written. Instead, we'd all be griping about Macs, or Commodore Vic 29,000's. Sograb your chance at fame and glory! Send me your suggested names for web surfers. Otherwise, we'll have to use my wife's choice: "People Who Love the Internet More Than They Love Their Spouses!"