My name is Amy. I'm 18 years old. I'm about to celebrate my first wedding anniversary, and Christian's 2nd birthday. Christian is my baby, who is wrapped in the arms of God. I was 15 when I had my abortion. My parents said I had no choice. I know now that I did. I found out I was pregnant after being sick for a week and thinking it was the flu. It wasn't. At this point I was two months along, and the father lived in another state. He never knew.

I never had any counseling, before or after. I laid in bed for a week afterwards, until my stepmother told me to stop acting like an invalid. On March 23 I broke down crying uncontrollably. I didn't know why! I became very pro-abortion, and talked one of my friends into it, and then went with her for her appointment. About a month later I accompanied another friend. I have murdered three babies!

Then the September before last, I met my husband. His family took me to church. I knew ABOUT God and everything, but I didn't KNOW God. My mother-in-law gave me a book about knowing that we will see our lost children in Heaven. I still have a hard time forgiving myself.

Recently I ran across a bit of information which has been very helpful. God doesn't just forgive our sins, He forgets. Grace wouldn't be grace if He didn't. Once He has forgiven us the sin is gone. It is erased. The only thing that remains is the effect of sin. I always catch myself saying "God remember when..." and then I have to say "Oops I forgot, You forget!"

I wrote a song dedicated to my beautiful baby Christian. It is titled "I'll Hold You In Heaven" and I truly believe that someday I will hold my baby in my arms.

I named my baby Christian because I do not know if it was a boy or a girl, but I do know that I will see my baby someday because of Christ. Thank you, Jesus. Take good care of my baby.

Amy

Post-Script

I have been working with the steps to healing, found on this sight, and I have a much better understanding of some of the feelings I had. When writing down the memories from the abortion clinic, I remembered things I hadn't thought of since the day it happened. There was so much anger in me, against myself and others. I was depressed, hopeless, I guess the word I'm looking for is despairing. What a horrible word! Despair. Utter hopelessness, without meaning, void! Then I figured out that once you find Jesus, despair is forced out. Despair is Satan's tool against us. He says "How can you even think that the Father will listen to you after what you have done!" I know that He will hear my cries! In Israel you can hear small children crying Abba! Abba! We sing Abba Father. God doesn't want to be Father all high and mighty! He wants to be our Abba! He wants to hear us cry like children "Abba, Abba. Daddy, Daddy! I've lost my way! Take my hand and show me the way home. I will depend on you Abba, Daddy, because you know the way!" Call him Father, Abba, Lord, but remember when we call His name in earnest, what He hears is Daddy.