Good news - my sister is pregnant. She is due in July and is as happy as can be. Little does she know if I hadn't had an abortion in August, I would be due in a month. I was 20 and pregnant with a man's baby I didn't know well enough. I thought I knew him but I didn't. He was controlling and was not for me at all. I already have a son; he is 3 and I love him with all my heart. I had a friend who was thinking of having an abortion and I was the one who talked her out of it. So, what made me have one, I don't know. I was so scared and so alone. I couldn't afford to have another child. I thought I would get over the guilt of what I did but it hasn't gotten any better. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of what I did to my baby. I think I will live in guilt till the day I die. I don't socialize much any more, I try to keep to myself. My friends that know about the abortion have tried to talk to me about it but I don't like to talk about it much.

I can still remember that horrible day like it was yesterday, the day I went to the hospital for the abortion. I went alone because I didn't want to be near anyone. Everything went fine in the surgery room until I awoke, I cried and cried for my baby. It was to late to turn back - everything was already done. My friend picked me up at the hospital because I was not able to drive. She didn't know what to do or say to me. I tried to act tough and pretend I wasn't that upset. Truth be known not only did the doctor take my baby in that room but I think he took my heart as well. I will never feel the same again. I realize life has to go on, but if I could change my mind about the abortion I would. Right now, I would be 8 months pregnant, but instead I'm living a life wishing I was 8 months pregnant. I'm buying a new home soon, it has 3 bedrooms, one for me, one for my son and the other will be empty. I would cut off my left arm to change what is already done. But what's done is done. I have got to learn to get over the pain and move on. I have a son at home who needs a happy mommy not an unhappy one. So for those of you who have had an abortion, I know how it feels to be empty inside, but life has to go on for us.