I am twenty years old and about a month ago I had an abortion. I want to tell my story to other people. I found out I was pregnant in January of this year. I took a pregnancy test in January hoping that I was wrong. But it came out positive. Within that week, I called the clinic to set up an appointment. I never thought I had to ever decide about an abortion. I know that if many people were in my place, they would never have gone through it. With my boyfriend working a full time job and me only having a semester left to finish my degree, it would of seemed a good time. But having a child takes more preparation that the physically surroundings, but also mentally and emotionally. That I was not ready for.

I went to the clinic with my boyfriend. When I first got there, I had to do the paper work. Then finally, I was called. They first did the ultrasound to see if there was multiple pregnancies and to see how far into the pregnancy I was. I found out that I was four months into my pregnancy. I couldn't have the abortion that day. I had to reschedule, since I was in my second trimester and it would require a two day procedure.

I remember to this day, what the clinic looked liked, the smell and the people's faces. I waited for four hours, before they called my name. I never even been to the gynecologist before. My mother never believed that it was necessary. She also thought it was the green light to have sex. So it was my first time being in stirrups. The first day, was a quick procedure, but was physically the most painful one.

The following day, I and a bunch of other girls, were asked to be back at seven in the morning. I was one of the first people to arrive. They called me within the next 15 minutes. I was nervous. But I never turned back. They gave me the pain medication through an iv. One by one they called us by name to the operating room. They called me soon after. I got on the table, put my feet in the stirrups and the nurse started to let the valium flow through the iv. She held my hand and told me to take a deep breath. I started to count to ten, which was something they told us to do in counseling. I didn't even reach to three and I was knocked out. The next thing I know, I was in the recovery room with everyone. I didn't believe that I had an abortion, until I saw the blood on my robe. They finally let us go home within the next hour and a half. I walked into the waiting area to my boyfriend and started to cry. I don't know why I was at that time. I kept saying that it was the valium. I sat on a chair outside while he got the car to pull it around the entrance. I was still crying. There was a mother, who sat with me, patting me on the back and told me it was going to be okay and never passed any judgments, just did it like was a normal reaction. She told me that she knew what I was going through because her daughter is one of the patients too. I got into the car and waved good-bye to her. I want to thank her. Her little gesture meant the world to me. I don't know her name, but I remember her face and touch. I hope one day she will read this letter because I want to say thank you.

The next couple of days, was filled with tears. I wrote a letter to myself about this experience. Nobody knows what I did, not even my family or friends. It is something I am not proud of. I know I still have a long way to go in the healing process. I am going to have to deal each day one day at a time. There are little things that still remind me of what happened on February 6 and 7. But this whole experience has allowed me to realize how precious life is and what is really important. I don't think I will or could ever forget about it. This is my cross to bear for the rest of my life.