I had an abortion 19 years ago and felt that I had no recourse My parents, though the most loving and best parents a girl could have, and very spiritual, would have been so hurt. It seemed that I spent my whole life trying to make them happy with me and not to be disappointed in me ever, and they never were. I didn't get pregnant on purpose, it was a mistake, and at the time I panicked. I had to find a way out of this problem At first I was trying to think of ways to work it out so I could keep the baby. I always wanted to have kids I was 22 years old, stupid and scared. My plan to keep my baby didn't work out I was to be married to the father but the wedding was canceled and I never told him I was pregnant. So, in my eyes, I had no choice. Looking back now, I know it was wrong and I would never do it again. I sold some jewelry to pay for the procedure that kills me. My baby paid the price for my mistakes.

I'm 42 now and I think of my baby every day. I have eating disorders (overeating) I need to lose a lot of weight, I am obsessively neat and organized. When I had a son 12 years ago, it was only then that I realized that it was a baby I aborted. How strange. I never consciously thought about my abortion for 7 years until I came home from the hospital with my son. The neatness, organizing, cleaning obsession began. I was never like that before. After I had my son, I knew what I had done. I need help. I am a Christian woman. I was then and am now very strong in my faiths and beliefs. So I know that God has forgiven me that's not my problem its me forgiving me. Will I ever ????

I have 3 children now and I love them all dearly yet I always yearn for my 1st child. I feel guilty of robbing this child of life, friends. holidays, family and a Mom. I love this baby the guilt eats me a little more every day. I am so sad at times but I don't let it interrupt my family's life at all . I have a wonderful and loving husband and 3 great kids. It is inner pain I talk to my baby a lot and say I'm sorry I did this and robbed you of life and caused you physical pain mommy is doing her best to work to see you in heaven someday. But now I have to stay here to take care of your siblings> we will be together someday I know and God is taking very good care of my child But the guilt is horrible. I just wanted to share my story because I never get to talk to anyone about it and it helps. Thank you for listening