My name is Dani and I'm a 23-year old born-again Christian (have been for about 4 years). I'm 4 months pregnant and since November 17 when I found out I was pregnant, I've been under constant pressure to get an abortion. My parents have tried every tactic in the book to force me into aborting, including pulling all financial support. Unfortunately as a college student, I'm still financially dependent on them. They have softened somewhat, but only enough to pay for one more semester of school & rent (on the condition that I went to an abortion clinic and talked to the counselor there, which I did). After this semester, I'm on my own. As a result of all that's happened, I've lost my car, my family, and a lot of other things. I know Jesus warns us we may lose our life for His sake, and I'm prepared for and accept that reality. But it's still tough..

I was hoping to graduate this summer, but due to several factors including the baby, this will be delayed. At this point I'm hoping to graduate in December. The baby is due in mid-late July, so that's only one more semester (4-5 months) of school after the baby's birth, which isn't too bad. If this fails, I'd hopefully graduate either in January, or hopefully at the latest, next spring (May 1999).

The pressure to abort has only increased in recent weeks, culminating in today where my father said he'd buy me another car - which I really need - in exchange for my getting an abortion. I've been weakening under the pressure and found this site in my abortion research last night. The stories were just what I was looking for - I really need to hear the stories of people who have been through it and regret it - I really need people to keep talking me out of it and convincing me of why it's not the best thing. I've read and researched enough to be convinced, but it's a constant process and the more I experience pressure to abort, the more I need to go back and be re-convinced and re- talked out of abortion again. I don't expect this process to really end until the day the baby's born, especially since abortions are obtainable up to a very late point in the pregnancy.

I want to keep the baby, although it will be difficult and I'll be raising him/her by myself. Having been financially cut off by my family will make it even more difficult, although I don't believe, impossible. This is one of those times I really need to trust in God's provision, although that's a question I struggle with - is it fair to hold God to His promise to provide for us when it comes to the consequences of sin? I know He has forgiven me and is drawing me back to Him, and I have seen many evidences of His love, mercy, and abundant provision in the past few months since I discovered I was pregnant. He has continued to provide for my material needs - a roof over my head, food, even a college education, etc. He has shown every indication that He loves me and will provide, yet, it's still difficult to trust that He'll keep doing so. I turned to Exodus yesterday and read of all the miracles He wrought on the Israelite's behalf as they wandered in the desert. Despite the almost daily miracles and examples of His goodness and provision, they soon (usually within 24 hours!) forgot and found reason to complain again. I know this is my time in the desert and don't want to so quickly forget all He has done for me, yet it's still difficult to trust that He will be there to provide for me and the baby in the future, since the baby is the consequence of sin and God does not remove the consequences of sin, although He may ease the burden and comfort us through it. Although I have considered adoption (and am adopted myself) it's really not an option I want to turn to. I see it as a last resort, one to turn to if I find it's really impossible to provide my child with a good life.

I really need encouragement, and hearing stories of those who have been through abortion and regret it will really help me stay strong whenever I start to weaken. What I need is the truth, whatever that may be. If I find hope that I can get over an abortion and not suffer too much, I may indeed be pushed in that direction. If that isn't ever truly possible, or the chances or slim, that, too, is something I need to know.