My name is Emily. I helped a friend get an abortion. She came to me in desperation and though she knew how I felt about abortion, she asked me over and over again to help. Her situation, at the time, seemed to be devastating. Though I agonized for weeks on what to do, in the end I decided to help. She was getting further and further along and said that no matter what she would find the money and end this pregnancy even if she went as far as 20 weeks. In the end, I lend her the money and I signed her in and out.

Since that dreadful day, I have been filled with guilt and am constantly tormenting myself over my fatal decision. Though I did not have the abortion, I feel as though I did. My friend shows no remorse, only relief. She cannot understand my pain and has since turned away from me. She also will not pay me back even though I gave her all the money I had. My husband also agreed to help her but he does not have the same pain I have. He says he regrets my pain but at the time my friend was so anguished he felt we should help her too.

I know I turned my back on God for a friend. I tried to reason that God would not want me to abandon a friend in need. My friend reasoned with me that I was doing nothing wrong but helping her. Now I know that is not true. I aided her in having the abortion and even though she would have had it in the end I was the one who helped her have it when she did. My pain is with me every day. I have asked God for forgiveness and I know He has indeed forgiven me. I am having a difficult time forgiving myself, however.

I almost aborted my first child but walked out of the clinic right before my name was called. Since that time I have thanked God everyday for giving me my child and I never thought I would be in that situation again. I never thought I would do what I did especially knowing that this is a life that is ended.

My friend or so called friend thinks I have gone off the deep end. She knew about my experience in almost aborting my first child and she knew how relieved I was not to have gone through with it. I had told her many times about my experience in the clinic and how awful it was and how I would never want to go back to one again. She knew that I thought abortion was wrong, but she still turned to me out of all her friends. She said no one else would help her. Now, in my pain she has turned away from me.

I have gone through an agonizing time in the past few months. Recently, however, I have felt as though an imense burden has been lifted. It happened when I learned that forgiveness is given by God and that it is commanded by Him. I had been going through the process of trying to forgive myself and was not doing very well. Finally, I went through the process of accepting that God has already forgiven me and the torment I was inflicting upon myself was not healthy and was not the work of God. Since this realization, I have been dramatically healed through God's love and forgiveness. I have always known that Jesus Christ died on the cross for us. Until recently, I never completely understood His sacrifice.

I no longer am tormented, but feel at peace. Instead of guilt, I feel regret. I know that what I did was wrong. Though I felt at the time as though I was helping a friend, I know this is not true. Though I told my friend how I felt about abortion and even though I asked her not to do this, I still went with her and I lent her the money. My friend and I have talked after a long time of silence. Though we will probably never have a friendship as before, I feel as though with God's help, I have forgiven her for involving me. I don't know if anyone can understand, but I had been very angry at my friend for turning to me since she knew how I felt. I did not keep my beliefs from her but I did not stand by them for her. I also know that my friend will one day experience her own pain and anger. She has not dealt with her abortion and she still feels as though it was the only thing she could do. I pray that she will ask God for forgiveness and therefore maybe forgive me for my part as I have forgiven her.

I would like to help others to find the same forgiveness I have found. Before, I wanted to help as a way of penance for myself. Now, I would like to help others understand that what is needed is God's forgiveness. To ask for this is and accept His forgiveness is what one needs. I have not yet decided if I will tell my daughter about my experience in almost aborting her, though I feel not shame in this but wonderment that God gave me the strength and in turn the gift of my daughter.

I would like for those that visit this site to know that abortion affects not only those that do it but also those that had any involvement in it. I would like for viewers to understand that they are not alone in their grief. I would also like for anyone who is considering helping another to have an abortion, to understand the role they will play. That even those who have not had an abortion but were involved somehow, are also grieving the loss of the child.