I never really thought I would have an abortion. I had three children and was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I was involved in many other negative situations that, at the time seemed much more important than they do now. They were not important enough for me to abort my child anyway.

I was very scared and didn't know what to do. I kept telling myself it was for the best. The father of the child wanted the abortion and that added more pressure. I cried and asked God to forgive me for what I was about to do before I had the abortion, so I guess I knew in my heart it wasn't right. I let the fear, greed, panic overtake me.

After I was given the drugs I become very sleepy. I remember being in the room wanting to leave but afraid my husband would be upset. I was afraid he would call me weak for not going through with it. The nurse held my arms down trying to talk to me. I wanted to scream and tell them to stop, but I didn't. As soon as I left I started to throw up and cry. After all he had said before, my husband's reaction was, "Well you didn't have to do it.",

Two days after the abortion, on Mothers Day, I tried to commit suicide. I wanted my baby back so badly... I felt God hated me and I deserved to die. What followed were months of crying, not sleeping, and self hate. I felt my life was gone. Then one day I was in a book store and for some reason I picked up a book on religion. I loved the book. It even had a section on abortion. I called the nearest church to me, and found out service times etc. I joined that church this past Easter--something I feel is one of my greatest accomplishments.

Though I still cry at times and feel regret, I know God does love me and forgives me. I have learned a lot from my abortion. Most of all I can't wait to the day I can plan another child and bring her into the world. I promised my child--Melissa--that I would respect her memory by making mine and my children's lives better ...And so far I'm doing O.K.!

Many Blessings to all for healing...