Melanie's Story
One year ago, I decided to 'come out' to the public regarding a personal bit of information I had been hiding for 15 years. My secret: a past abortion. Why in the world would someone want to publicly announce they had an abortion, you may ask. I wish I could give you only one answer, but my reasons are much more complicated than that. Perhaps if I share my story with you, you'll be able to better understand.
At twenty-one years old, I was exclusively dating a young man who I assumed would be my future husband. We thoughtlessly engaged in unprotected sex, and I became pregnant.
From the moment I told him the news, I knew from his reaction that not only would we never get married, but it was also evident that he didn't care about me as much as I thought he did.
I was scared and excited at the same time. Me - a mother! But wait! How could I afford to properly care for a baby? I was barely able to afford the small apartment I lived in. Would any man want to marry a woman who had another man's child? The sad reality of this pregnancy finally sunk in, and what made it even more difficult was that my former boyfriend was hounding me to have an abortion since he could not afford eighteen years of child support payments.
When I reflect on my past, I can now see that I was very naive, not to mention irresponsible and selfish. All the questions I was now asking, I should have asked myself before having unprotected sex.
But it was too late. My stomach was already getting fuller and my breasts tender and swollen. As it turned out, I was farther along than I had calculated. I found this out the day I had my abortion.
Recalling the actual abortion procedure is extremely emotionally painful for me now. At the time, I only remember being scared and numb. And numb is how I remained - until many years later when my husband and I gave birth to our first child.
I remember the day vividly. My husband was at work and I was sitting on our couch breast feeding our baby and clicking through the Tv. channels. The station I tuned into was showing "The Silent Scream," a graphic film on the reality of the abortion procedure as viewed through a special camera inserted into the pregnant woman's womb. As I watched the abortionist pock, prod, then sever the tiny baby's limbs, I began to weep uncontrollably. I looked down at the small beautiful life my husband and I had created, then I looked up again, only to see the abortionist scraping then suctioning the remaining lifeless fregments from the mother's body.
My God! What have I done? I asked myself. And this was the deep, dark secret that I carried with me for many years: that I had taken the life of my own child. No amount of guilt or tears will bring my baby back to life.
It's strange that even after so much time, I still have not forgotten about "my other child." Although the tears have dried up, there remains an emptiness which I cannot explain. I don't know the psychological effects of abortion, but I have heard that many women who are affected as I, frequently wonder how old the baby they aborted would now be. Would he have grown up to be a doctor or great speaker, etc.
While I do accept full responsibility for this thoughtless and selfish act, I also strongly feel that many women are choosing abortion because they are unfamiliar with the reality of it, as I was.
Today, I am active in the pro-life movement, and I frequently can be seen handing out brochures on abortion-alternatives as adoption, financial assistance, etc. I also show the young women considering abortion actual photos of an aborted child. Most had no idea that their child was much more than "just a clump of cells." This is part of my healing process. I want women to be informed so they can make good, responsible decisions where taking the life of another human being is not considered merely a matter of "choice."
Perhaps now you can understand why I feel I must speak out for those who have no voice.