I had an abortion about 5 weeks ago. I was 7 1/2 weeks pregnant. It is still something I constantly think about and have had to deal with.

I have a child who turns 2 next month and I have suffered two miscarriages. This recent pregnancy was an accident and I felt very pulled in two different directions. My husband (common-law) had had his hours cut at work and we were struggling financially.

People convinced me it would be in my best interest to have an abortion. I was told I would forget it easily and how easy the procedure was. I had an ultrasound done and I saw the baby on the screen. I did want to keep it but I felt very pulled. The procedure was very difficult. I was told I would recover fast. It took almost two weeks of constant physical pain and the emotional is still going on.

My friend came into the procedure with me. I had the vacuum aspirator done so I was awake the whole time. It felt like my insides were being taken out. I cried and felt very guilty and terrible. When I went home I had trouble looking at my daughter because of the abortion. I look at my stomach and feel very empty sometimes. I think of how far along I would be right now and I feel very bad about my decision.

I did love that baby and I will have to live with what has happened. I wish I had more information. I have just recently learned how to use the net and I never had any counseling except for an hour before the procedure. I am slowly trying to forgive myself and to heal. I am open to anyone who would like to talk about the subject with me.

My address is: greenly@istar.ca