10 Body Language Mistakes Women Make and 1 Secret Weapon for Respect

Although the workforce is almost equally men and women now, the cards still seem stacked against women, or at least that’s often how we act.

There are several body language gestures we, as women, make that puts us in a submissive stance with our male counterparts in business. Body language expert, coach, speaker and author Carol Kinsey Goman gives us the 10 mistakes women make, and the one secret to immediate engagement. These appeared in her  recent Washington Post article.

Head Tilt

Tilting your head is a submissive stance, which can show you are listening. This might be appropriate in some situations but it may convey the wrong message. Goman says use the head tilt when you want to encourage someone or show you are listening. If you are running a meeting or otherwise in a position of power, avoid the headtilt.

Small Posture

Sometimes, women make it seem like they want to disappear or be smaller instead of take up space. They keep their arms and legs close and their piles of papers neat. Much more likely will you see men spreading their arms or sprawling their things on the conference table.  Goman writes, “Remember that status and authority are nonverbally demonstrated through height and space. So stand tall, pull your shoulders back, widen your stance and hold your head high.” She also says spread you stuff out and stake your claim.

Girlish Gestures

Goman says many times women subconsciously make feminine gestures that can convey less commitment or your doubt. These include twirling your hair or playing with your jewelry. Goman recommends keeping your hands in your lap until you want to make your point and them use more dominant gestures such as “steepling” which are your fingers together but palms out when you are trying to make a point precisely. Also, when you are sure of your position, turn your hands palms-down.

Firm Voice

Many times, women will make their voice go up at the end of a statement, making your words sound more like a question and conveying uncertainty. Goman writes you need to make sure you keep your voice firm and tone consistent or start low, make your point higher and then bring it back down for impact.

Too Many Smiles

Smiling is a very positive and welcoming gesture, especially when you are meeting new clients or employees. When you should avoid smiling is during serious discussions or when you are trying to be taken very seriously. Smiling too much can remove credibility or confuse.

Too Many Nods

Goman notes that when a man nods, he agrees. When a woman nods, she is either agreeing, encouraging more discussion or empathizing with the speaker. Watch how much you nod and make sure you are conveying the message you want when you nod. Watch your nodding when making a point so you don’t look like “a bobble-head” as Goman writes.

Being Too Polite

Many times, women are afraid of interrupting to seem rude but men aren’t usually constrained by this or even conscious of it. They interrupt each other all the time. Goman quotes former Secretary of State Madeline Albright whose advice is “Learn to interrupt.”

Flirting

Smiling, leaning forward in a suggestive manner and playing with your hair all convey less seriousness, whether you mean it or not. Goman sites a study done at The University of California Berkeley where two groups of female actors portrayed the sellers of a biotech company. One group was instructed to flirt and the other group instructed to be business-like and straight-laced. The flirty group was offered 20% less for their company because the buyers didn’t take them as seriously.

Over-expressing

Showing emotion, especially raising your arms above your shoulders, can overwhelm your crowd, especially if the crowd is mostly male. While showing emotion is appropriate when you are trying to motivate or engage, keeping your arm gestures lower, will come off as less emotional.

Weak Handshake

When you don’t have a powerful handshake, it comes off as passive and weak. Goman says to cultivate a firm, professional handshake. She describes this as “palm-to-palm contact and that the web of your hand (the skin between your thumb and first finger) touches the web of the other person’s.” This is the place where a smile is good with eye-to-eye contact and a “Good to meet you” is appropriate.

The Secret Weapon

Goman says to imagine a triangle on a person’s face with the base at the eyes and the point at mid-forehead. If you keep your gaze there when engaging a person in business, it conveys the message of serious business.

If you drop your gaze so the triangle is inverted to someone’s mouth, you are now in a more social stance that can be conveyed as flirtatious.  Keep your eyes up for more respect.

Goman says women are better at reading body language so besides paying attention to what you are conveying, pay attention to what others are telling you too.

These tips are from The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help—or Hurt—How You Lead, published in April 2011 by Jossey-Bass. Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an executive coach, consultant and international keynote speaker.