6 Steps to Help Your Teen (And You) Survive High School from Teen’s “Dr. Phil” Josh Shipp

– This post was written by guest contributor Josh Shipp

You may have thought the transition from elementary to middle school was the most difficult that you and your kids would ever have to make.  Not only did the kids have to contend with a new, bigger school, locker combinations and being the baby among hundreds of pubescent children (some seeming much too mature for their age), but you had to adjust to teachers and administrators that make it their priority to ‘cut the cord’ so to speak – between parent and child.  All so your child could learn to be the autonomous and responsible student that they are today (at least you hope). 

Wasn’t so bad after all, was it?  Then…comes high school. 

Once again, children (and parents) are leaving their comfort zones and moving into a world that is more complicated and emotionally challenging than ever.  Most teens feel clumsy, out of place, lost, insecure, and completely vulnerable about entering high school – long before they take their first trip through the hallways. 

They worry about being accepted – while you on the other hand see your child nearing closer to college, leaving the nest and worry that, their choices today will affect them for the rest of their tomorrows.  Additionally, as you recount your own high school experiences you realize the potential (first hand) for the trouble and mishap that arises when teenagers, hormones, schoolwork, cars, parties, peer pressure, and open lunch collide in the high school setting.  While your kid will never admit it (or ask for it), they really could use your help surviving the first month (and beyond) of high school.  

Communicate  

As a prerequisite to high school, you should first and foremost discuss the hard topics in life such as the birds and the bees, alcohol and drug use, peer pressure – as well as how the metaphor ‘if you lie down with dogs you’re apt to get fleas’ applies to their life. 

Hopefully, you have already instilled a deep sense of morality, set clear ground rules in your home, run the gamut of acceptable behaviors, and applied your expectations for them long before this day. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your child is an angel, but just that you have given them the tools to create boundaries in their life based on what you know is important!  If you haven’t done any part of this yet…now is the time. 

Another key point in communicating with teens is to master some sort of honest and direct dialogue that takes full advantage of the entire 5-minute attention span of your teen.  If you get shrugs, eye-rolls, stomping feet, or slamming doors before, during, or after your talks – you can consider this one checked off your list as well.  Many parents mistake their children’s seeming lack of interest and folded arms as a sign they are not getting through.  Rest assured, they are hearing you loud and clear, so keep talking.  

Relate

Once the uncomfortable essentials of raising teens are covered, you can turn your attention to surviving the onset of high school.  Of course, you want to share all the shrill and exciting details of your own first high school experiences (minus the big bangs, leg warmers, and fingerless gloves).  While comforting, your children at this point don’t want to believe they are anything like you. 

Instead, tap into just how intimidated you felt entering high school.  Talk about all the other kids who feel the same way as them and try to persuade them to help others overcome their worries in the first few weeks of school.  Just like you worried about your clothes, your hair, the car your parents drove you to school in; were terrified of the teachers, getting lost in the school, the homework and didn’t know exactly where your niche (if any) within the school would be – your child feels that way right now. 

Most kids won’t admit to being afraid and they shouldn’t really have to.  High school, although a beginning, is also an end to childhood, as they knew it.  Instead of seeing their behavior or attitude at this point negative, see it as a cry for help.  Offer to take them to the school a few days ahead so they can find their way around, or get in touch with an upper classman neighbor who may be able to show them the ropes.  

Connect to Your Child on Their Level:  

Realize that regardless of what interested your child before this day, there is no guarantee that they will follow through by joining the marching band, softball team or cheerleading squad the first week of school.  Even if they do, as freshmen, their opportunities are likely limited. 

As a parent, you should explore every resource at the school to find clubs and activities that they can join – such as yearbook staff, science club, pep squad etc. where they can become ingrained in the quilt of the school.  In doing this, leave your own hopes and dreams behind – realizing that just because you were the high school quarterback doesn’t mean that your child wants to do the same. 

The point is to keep them busy and help them make friends by encouraging school-centered activities where they can blend with other kids whose interests are similar.  Once they find a few people they trust and can relax around, high school improves considerably.  

Choose Your Battles

Additionally, remember that they will be impressed by the so-called “cool kids’ in high school.  These kids will likely be older, perhaps not always setting the best example and your child may hint at emulating them in some way.  While not a new expression or trend (remember the T-Birds in Grease), they may suddenly feel pressure to wear a certain brand of shoes – or match flip-flops with ripped jeans and a haggard t-shirt.  If it doesn’t compromise your family values, you may be better off allowing them to transition a little without making a big fuss or worrying that they are dabbling in drugs. 

Why?  First of all, it shows your child in a very real and tangible way to them, that you understand how they feel and secondly, it will help them figure out who they are and want to become.  Not in the first month of high school of course – but in the long run.  By remaining a tad more liberal as they enter high school you can gain their trust and help to keep the lines of conversation, often muddied with misunderstandings, slightly more open.  This will be instrumental if and when your child runs into any sort of trouble.  

Lighten Up

 It is also important for parents to understand that their child often sees life through mom and dad.  You have to be careful about warning them too much, giving them too many instructions or too many demands.  Often generic statements such as ‘high school is much harder than middle school,’ or ‘every thing you do in high school counts towards college,’ can intimidate and frighten your child. 

Instead, be positive, talk about their positive personal qualities, and remind them how fun high school will be.  Be genuinely excited for them and quite simply, expect them to do their best.  When you are optimistic and comfortable with your child entering high school, chances are, they will be too.  

Stay Involved: 

The bottom line is that your kid is going to change.  Some drastically, while others will seem to float though this transition with ease.  Some will keep their same friends, while others will find new crowds and friends to hang out with. 

Make sure you welcome all the changes they make so that you can remain an informed person in their life.  Invite their friends over and offer the kids privacy. 

Try to keep your own judgments or “I told you so’s” to yourself, having faith that you raised them well enough to make good decisions. 

Allow them to do things at their own time, offer trust unless you have a reason not to, ask lots of questions, – know when to talk and know when to just be. 

Make sure they feel comfortable talking to you about mistakes without feeling a heavy wrath and provide a grace period for adjustment.  

The reasons for so many changes upon entering high school, involve both the fact that they are growing up and that high schools normally have a larger platform for the development of individuality and self-expression, for just this reason – so kids can evolve into themselves and mature. 

As a parent, it isn’t easy watching your child make mistakes, make bad choices, and grow up quickly within the brick and mortar walls of high school.  But your influence is still there.  If you help them to always realize and remember their self-worth, encourage them to evolve, stick firm to your values; whilst remaining close enough to overhear and see what is going on in their lives -and far enough away that their friends won’t see the mullet or mom jeans – high school can be a beautiful unfolding for you, your child and the relationship that you share.  

About Josh Shipp

Josh Shipp is the host of the TV Show Jump Shipp and author of “The Teen’s Guide to World Domination”  Get more free practical advice at www.FreeTeenHelp.com.  He is a teen advice guru and motivational speaker. Josh has earned an international reputation as a leading authority on teen communication that’s “in your face, but on your side.”  Seen on MTV, CNN, NBC, FOX, Comedy Central, and featured in the LA Times and Inc. Magazine’s “30 Under 30: America’s Coolest Young Entrepreneurs”.