A Different Take on Bullying– And 1 Little-Known Fact

Are your kids in a battle with a bully at school? Maybe they have done a bit of bullying themselves? No? Did you know it’s almost guaranteed they have at least seen bullying going on?

It’s estimated that about 80% of all bullying incidents are witnessed by others. The most typical approach to solving the bullying issue is to put the majority of the responsibility on the school to solve the problem. The truth – this isn’t an effective solution.

Just ask Tony Bartoli.

Bartoli was a bully’s dream, a shy kid with cerebral palsy that affects the left side of his body. Not many kids hung around with him so the bullies found their target easily.

The Pennsylvania native tells Family First he was uncomfortable around others. When school let out, he would wait until everyone was gone before he left the building. The bullies figured out this pattern and their bullying began.

From fourth grade until his freshman year of high school, Bartoli was the victim of bullying by 7 kids. They pushed him, threw his books down the hall, and encouraged others to ignore him in the lunchroom. They also told him, “You’re never going to go anywhere.”

Well, they were wrong about that, for sure. Bartoli is now a powerful Florida-based motivational speaker, spreading the word about bullying solutions across the country. After working as a youth pastor and for author/radio host Dave Ramsey, Bartoli broke out on his own to start spreading the word through his Bullying Awareness and Prevention program, as well as many other topics.

First, he defines bullying as “any behavior that is repetitive, intentional, and that is meant to harm both emotionally or physically.” He says it must be something that happens regularly and with intent to truly be considered bullying.

He says there are three groups who need attention in this matter:

• The Victim – they must be able to notify a trusted adult of their challenges.
• The Bully – Many times, these kids have something going on in their lives that being a bully somehow alleviates.
• The By-Standers – Many times, kids are afraid to speak up because they’re afraid they’ll be the next victim. Bartoli says they really can be “Heroes of the Hallways” if they take that first step and take a stand against those who are causing harm to others.

Bystanders were the key to how the cycle of being bullied stopped for Bartoli. He says he will never forget back in March 1984 how a kid in school, Kevin Gattone, finally stood up for him.

It was right after school let out and the bullies were gathering at the lockers, waiting for Bartoli. Gattone stopped and said something to the effect of “Whoa, wait a minute. Have you ever seen Tony take a ball down the basketball court? Have you seen him play tennis?” Gattone pointed out his good qualities, like what a good student Bartoli was, how he was destined to go to college.

Bartoli says the bullies didn’t know what to do. Instead of confronting them with fists or more verbal slurs, Gattone went the way of kindness, without directly confronting the bullies.

The most amazing thing happened after that. After that one kid stood up for Bartoli, others did too. From two came four, then eight and on and on until an army of kids grew to stand up for Bartoli. Over a two to three month period, over 300 kids stood together to help Bartoli. The bullies had no choice but to stop picking on him. “They wore them out with kindness,” he says.

Taking that first step is hard for kids. Bartoli says a note system where kids can tell teachers or principals about bullying situations can help. Giving the kids the option of staying anonymous can also help the kids feel more comfortable about writing the notes.

When kids do stick up for the bullying victims, it absolutely cuts down on bullying overall. “A friend on the right and a friend on the left” is a motto Bartoli encourages kids to keep in mind. Look for the kids who need a friend during recess, on the bus line or walking home and tell them, “Hey, I’m with you” says Bartoli. Bullies stay away from groups of kids because it’s not as easy; they’re looking for the loner kid who can’t defend himself.

Bartoli also says showing kindness to a bully can change a kid. He stresses, “Everyone needs help.” It takes everyone’s involvement to help stop the cycle of bullying – teachers and principals, parents and kids too.

A little known fact – a large percentage of bullying incidents happens at camp. Bartoli says the combination of kids who come from all over and from diverse backgrounds, less adult supervision and mixed age groups all together, is the perfect storm for bullying. So, if you are sending your kids to camp this summer, you should be aware of this situation. You might even check with the camp to see how they address this issue.

Being that first kid to stand up is tough for kids. Bartoli’s school and youth group presentations help encourage kids to speak up and defend those who are defenseless. He makes kids feel better about standing together and he embodies the effect that can come from sticking up for the ones who need help.

For more information about Bartoli and bullying, please visit his website at www.tonyb4hope.com. For some additional articles about Tony and about bullying, please see these:

“School Bullying and The Disabled Student” — http://bit.ly/bM4Y7C

“Signs Your Child Might Be Getting Bullied” — http://tinyurl.com/yd2vh32

“National Bullying Awareness Month- Bullying and What to Do” — http://tinyurl.com/2717r9x